change .

what a lovely day. so early this morning i got into a HUGE fight with my mom. she told me go smoke up a little more. i havent touched weed in about two months . thanks mom . whatever so me being the smart one decided to go biking up to kelso/glen eden which is up on a escarpment . that wasnt very smart cause i was in flip flops. when im pissed i tend to just leave and not think sometimes . whatever my moms a bitch end of story.



okay , schools starting in like a week and im afraid things will change. im not use to change im not really good at it. sometimes things change for the better sometimes for the worse. why cant things just be like they use to. when i never cared about school , things came easy to me , i had to many friends to count . now i live a half a hour drive from my old life. and even though i tend to visit it quite a lot its not the same. i dont fit in anymore. i now live in a life where school is something i have to do , i have to work hard to get to the littlest goals , and yes i have many friends but not ones i can poor my soul to and hope for them to keep it to themselves. sometimes people say change is always for the best. but at the moment change is not what i want. even if its going to benefit me in the future. i want to go back to the life i once lived . where friends were always just down the street and the the cooping with things became easier.

you must think , what makes the difference your only living a half a hour away and why does it change everything. i ask myself the same thing. but i begin to think where i lived the drugs were easier to get , the hospitals were always there with a helping hand , and that i knew people going through the same things i am . i had people to relate to and people to look up to even if they werent the best influences. one major thing to is that i had people to look down on . i had people that i could look at and say at least im not them. at this moment im starting to feel that i am the person that people actually look down at .

you can think what you want . people tend to anyway.

one thing that kept bothering me today was the comment my mother likes to make a lot
" stop acting like your your older , your not 19 stop acting like it "
isnt it weird that usally most parents say grow up and start acting your age , and mine are telling me to act like a child . mmmk ? my parents always ask me why i act like im older . i never thought i acted like i did . i thought i acted like every other 15year old. . ive known many thing have happened in my life that usually dont happen to other kids in such a short time period. but instead of regretting those things or wishing they never happened to me i believe those experiences are what made me mature much faster.

i mean i know i act like a retard sometimes. but once again i tend to put a lot of fake emotions on my face to make others smile .

- wow. i really needed to vent .
sorry guys $:
didnt mean for it to be that long (:

+ ps . on a positive note im so over him . and honestly he barley crosses my mind. and when he does its for a short period of time. and all i have to thanks is my friends. they might not now it but they help me much more then they tend to . (: ( L )