some more venting of a over dramtic teenager .

so many things happen in a persons life .
people say the events in your life are the things that influence you the most , make you a better person .

but what if those events only make you something you wish never came to be.
what if those events in your life make you shake your head everyday and ask yourself why does this always happen to me ? you think because all these misfortunes are happening to you that you'll have it easy in a year from now , makes sense right ? to bad life doesnt work like that . some just happen to experience the finer things in life . and i dont mean cars & money which is also very nice to have but i mean to have the luck always in your direction . to not have to worry about yourself and others 24/7.

let me ask you a question ?
does it make me a insensitive bitch that i stopped worrying about my mom having cancer ?
does it make me a awful daughter ?
does it mean im going to hell ?
cause if so then im screwed.

> when people find out that my mom is ill or something they always go sorry , i say dont worry about it and act like it doesnt bother me. they all give me confused looks. if you had to live with a person who none stop deals with her sickness for four years staright you start to get angry with all the sorries. i know you mean well but you saying sorry does not make her better doesnt change everything. doesnt make her get out of the bed in the morning. doesnt make her come out of the hospital any faster. so i guess im a pretty horrible daughter huh ?

> i deal with many issues to . a lot more complicated then a flu or cancer. i deal with this illness everyday always around my mind. stealing my focus during class and with others. it brings me into this darkness that others cant come in. many might say thats awesome to have a place to go to when you want to be alone in your own very head. but mine is oh so much different then this. i go into a place where thoughts are also very darkened.

> lets just say things dont come easy to me . thats including luck .

somethings are going on right now in my life that eventually cant come to a good ending. i guess these events that i oh so look forward to happening are the events that will shape me when im older . lucky me.