fuckface.

get over yourself. get over it right now.


-bitch.

dear john.

so much like me , i can not begin to describe,
the sparks that could fly between you and i.
the dreams we could create for each other.
yet, the distance grows and the nights get colder.
if you and i could see the opportunity with each other,
do you think we would still be alone.


inspired by dear john.

because he hates his life.

when did this pressure get so big. when did it overwhelm everything i do. how can i have any control over my actions when my actions control me. no more can i take this massive amount building on top of me. mornings feel like the weight of everything has been taped to myself. how can i help me when i refuse any help given. there is no longer myself with control but lost in the feeling of numbness. where are you in all of this between the blue of reality or the greyness of fantasy ?


- just some writing.

no vacancy.

underneath the sheets , wrapped to tight.

- hello.
so its been a while since ive actually talked about me. and as exams are coming close i have everything on my mind but exams. i mean they stress me out but yet im here writing on my lovely venting blog instead of studying you must see my priorities at the moment. D:

kay, havent talked about this in a while. DRUGS.
oh man, so it seems that doing weed is this new cool thing and all the kids are doing it? truuuue. :\
i hope they realize they dont look cool or at least some of them dont. i mean you honestly look desperate when you scream down the hall " hey cassie do you have some weed?" grow up. trust me you dont wanna be known as the class pot head especially if your a girl. so yes, i dont do drugs anymore. well i mean not as much as i use to. i had one bad experience at a party and i think that did it for me. :|


LETS TALK ABOUT SEX. (:
so um in religion class we watched a movie about sex before marriage and they talked about STD's and pregnancy and how having sex you can die. :|
so therefore, i am becoming a nun and building my own convent. but honestly ENCOURAGE EVERYONE TO GET TESTED (y)


ps. did you know you can get STD's from handjobs ? :\
food for thought.


the year so far.
its been good i guess. there was one week fighting with my parents that was difficult, but thats what you get for having immigrant parents . XD
this week is preparing for exams, which im not D:
and my thoughts have been uncontrollably messing with my head.


whatever.

your my biggest accomplishment
& my worst downfall.


this is our decision,
to live fast and die young.

lyrics.

lyrics time ?
i think so.

& honestly, i have been begging for answers
that you and only you can give to me
a voice crying loud
ive been crying for days now
& as i start to run, i stop to breathe
& i was nearly scared to death.
why you left in paragraphs?
the words were nearly over us
you stop and turn and grab your bags

& i'll be here by the ocean
just waiting for proof that theres sunsets and silhouette dreams
all my sand castles fall like the ashes of cigarettes
could stand here for hours
just to ask god the question, "is everyone here make-believe?"
with a tear in his voice, he said, "son, thats the question."
does this deafening silence mean nothing to no one but me?

as hours move to minutes
& minutes take longer to break
i will be desperately awaiting
but my tongue wont fall apart
& we've been sitting here for hours
all alone and in the dark

so let me think of how to word it
is it too soon to say 'perfect'?
if i could find another thirty minutes somewhere
im sure everything would find me
all thats left is just to sing

& ill be here by the ocean
just waiting for proof that theres sunsets and silhouette dreams
all my sand castles fall like the ashes of cigarettes
& every waves drags me to sea
i could stand here for hours
just to ask God the question, "Is everyone here make-believe?"
With a tear in His voice, He said, "Son, that's the question."
Does this deafening silence mean nothing to no one but me?

& if you sing to me sweet until then,
i may never sail virginia again
& as this current moves slow for me
this much you must know of me again
& i'll have you know im scared to death


<3

may.parade.

its complicated. and its broken .

im over the point now. where im not angry at you. or sad. happy for you really. cause one day you'll see that i was there. never left. and when you say you had no one, i'll prove you wrong. when shes finished with your heart, i'll pick up the pieces and put it back together again. i wont hurt you because that would defeat the purpose of me being madly in love with you.



i'll be okay , is that what you want me to say ?
-may.parade.

first blog of the year. wooootwooot.

you got what you deserved. someone beat you at your own game. doesn't feel oh so good does it ? i bet you get mad when you see her with him. knowing that she tricked you, lead you on. its funny really. i use to think that some day you would approach me and say something. just one thing. but you don't. i use to have this theory that you were shy. well i've finally come to realize that you won this pathetic game. you had me in the palm of your hand and you dropped me. nothing more then a piece of dirt to you really. well thats okay. i'm moving on. are you ?

i know its mad, but if i go to hell will you come with me or just leave?
i know its mad, but if the world were ending would you kiss me or just leave me?

<3


new beginnings and finish endings.

alyssa get better. (L)