friendship.

growing up you always have that group of friends . yes the people seem to always change but you belong to a group correction not belong its just that it is your group , your friends , your secrets which all are hold in that bond.

as the years have gone on that group always seemed to change either new school , or people change . its usually people change. but yesterday something happened to me. not really to me but it was happening in front of me and i saw how a friendship could go so sour. to see a friend choose a boy over her suppose to be bestie. you never know what to think when that happens you dont really know how to feel. would you do the same ? or would you choose your best friend ?

things like these questions cross my thoughts ever so often. could you get through life without friendship or would we sit in our rooms and cry. do you ever remember feeling really sad or jealous when one of your old best friends made new friends ? or was it just something that happened ?

see i have many friends not much best friends and even the ones i do call best friends some of them i can not trust. due to the fact they have broke that trust or they havent given me a reason to trust them. see i like to think that i try to make friends with anyone. but whats the point ?
when you know that friends will just disappear in time and new ones will replace them ? if knowing you cant trust half the people you call friends how do you do it ? how do you manage to go around saying this is my friend but i cant trust her ?

cause i guess friendship is something like love.
when it ends your heartbroken ,
you cant really see it ,
but people can show it to you.

and much like love without friendship we would all be depressed people venting on a blog.
much like me at the moment .

but see i have those moments when i see why we have friendship with people.
when we are sitting on the side of the road just talking or when you dont get mad at me for making a mistake knowing i will make many more.

i decided to talk about friendship cause yesterday i found out that a friend can have two sides to them. a side you want to see and a side you never want to witness. guess what side i saw yesterday ?

i can feel it coming in the air tonight ;)

- what a good week so far , and im not being sarcastic (:

kay , so like i have alot of people i know in my lunch and like ive made new friends and everything .

- and im just such a fail at dance class -_-
OMG . im like the only one there who cant move . D:
but its fun and its last period . (:

andandand
- i cant wait for the parties , the friendships , and the boys this year.
come on grade 10 im sooooooooooooooo ready for you ;)

school & shit -___-

i got my schedule for school . and even though i have all my easy subjects this semester means i have my fucking HARD subjects next semesters. exams should be fun next semester -__-

- this semester
history
civics
religion
dance


NEXT SEMESTER D:
french
science
english
math
-___-

like i said FML . can schools even do that to me D:
im like screwed . and i have like 3A lunch which means i have to eat lunch at like 11am . :|
yummy .
i dont even get up at like 11am . how the hell am i suppose to get up at 7 in the morning ?
so yes , i know this blog is full of shit and stuff and its just me venting about how am i suppose to get through school but as you can see im fucked . you might not think this is very important , BUT my parents are tired of me complaining so when they dont wanna hear me complain i have my blogs (:
... oh and you guys ;)

ps. on the back of my door i have like pictures of people i look up to and shit , and i just extended the whole project to my front closet doors . just thought you guys should know >.<

Ohohohohohohoh ... and i dyed my hair back to blackish/brownish ... i am not a ginger anymore :D


muchlove. ( L )

change .

what a lovely day. so early this morning i got into a HUGE fight with my mom. she told me go smoke up a little more. i havent touched weed in about two months . thanks mom . whatever so me being the smart one decided to go biking up to kelso/glen eden which is up on a escarpment . that wasnt very smart cause i was in flip flops. when im pissed i tend to just leave and not think sometimes . whatever my moms a bitch end of story.



okay , schools starting in like a week and im afraid things will change. im not use to change im not really good at it. sometimes things change for the better sometimes for the worse. why cant things just be like they use to. when i never cared about school , things came easy to me , i had to many friends to count . now i live a half a hour drive from my old life. and even though i tend to visit it quite a lot its not the same. i dont fit in anymore. i now live in a life where school is something i have to do , i have to work hard to get to the littlest goals , and yes i have many friends but not ones i can poor my soul to and hope for them to keep it to themselves. sometimes people say change is always for the best. but at the moment change is not what i want. even if its going to benefit me in the future. i want to go back to the life i once lived . where friends were always just down the street and the the cooping with things became easier.

you must think , what makes the difference your only living a half a hour away and why does it change everything. i ask myself the same thing. but i begin to think where i lived the drugs were easier to get , the hospitals were always there with a helping hand , and that i knew people going through the same things i am . i had people to relate to and people to look up to even if they werent the best influences. one major thing to is that i had people to look down on . i had people that i could look at and say at least im not them. at this moment im starting to feel that i am the person that people actually look down at .

you can think what you want . people tend to anyway.

one thing that kept bothering me today was the comment my mother likes to make a lot
" stop acting like your your older , your not 19 stop acting like it "
isnt it weird that usally most parents say grow up and start acting your age , and mine are telling me to act like a child . mmmk ? my parents always ask me why i act like im older . i never thought i acted like i did . i thought i acted like every other 15year old. . ive known many thing have happened in my life that usually dont happen to other kids in such a short time period. but instead of regretting those things or wishing they never happened to me i believe those experiences are what made me mature much faster.

i mean i know i act like a retard sometimes. but once again i tend to put a lot of fake emotions on my face to make others smile .

- wow. i really needed to vent .
sorry guys $:
didnt mean for it to be that long (:

+ ps . on a positive note im so over him . and honestly he barley crosses my mind. and when he does its for a short period of time. and all i have to thanks is my friends. they might not now it but they help me much more then they tend to . (: ( L )